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in the U.S. need advice (:

who's talking here?

heather 2
Balls To The Wall 4
Nicole 7
Oki Insanity 4
ChiTownGrl 5
Casey 4
The Dramallama 4
All Abouts 2
wowzers 15
yourmomdotcom 15
sToO 1
afriendindeed 1
Blue fuzzy creature 1
nobiancody 1
Jaclyn 1
monkeyshine89 1
a5733225uu 1

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wowzers --- 9 years ago -

so I left my hubby, I havent filed for anything because "hes taking care of it" but now im trying to get in college and I have to by his income since we are still married (correct?) my problem is he wont give me any papers stating what he earns monthly (and hes changed EVERY password that we shared on his accounts) does anyone have any advice as to what I can do? whom I need to contact? He wont reply to emails, and changed our home phone number we shared while I lived there. Any advice is appreciated and wanted. 

Nicole --- 9 years ago -

Get an attorney. Promptly. You need someone to take care of your interests. 

ChiTownGrl --- 9 years ago -

Yes you need to include his income since you are still married and not legally separated. If you know his rank and how long he's been in, you can look up how much he gets paid. Other than that, contact a lawyer. 

yourmomdotcom --- 9 years ago -

Base pay and allowances are a google search away. If you guys are still married he is almost certainly getting those. Also- for the purposes of income on your college app it might also depend on TAXABLE income vs total income. 2 very different numbers. 

wowzers --- 9 years ago -

Base pay and allowances are a google search away.

true, but I was thinking they needed an actual print out confirming it 

yourmomdotcom --- 9 years ago -

Oh yeah... contact a lawyer. When I was going through a similar situation with a previous spouse who said they were "taking care of it" I finally had to give them a deadline. File by this day or I will. I ended up filing myself. Your lawyer will give you more info/advice etc. But a lot will depend on how long you've been married, do you have kids, assets etc etc. - Divorce may be a necessary evil but it sure does suck!! 

Nicole --- 9 years ago -

. When I was going through a similar situation with a previous spouse who said they were "taking care of it" I finally had to give them a deadline. File by this day or I will. I ended up filing myself.

I wasn't even thinking that-I was more thinking that if she lets him handle it, he might screw her in more ways than she can imagine, especially based on her previous postings. 

yourmomdotcom --- 9 years ago -

true, but I was thinking they needed an actual print out confirming it

That's true... althoogh some schools may go with the basic print outs and ID card as proof until you can get the LES with his info on it. Or you could just wait til your lawyer demands it from him. I'd try asking the school to work with you- what's the worst they can say? 

wowzers --- 9 years ago -

Oh yeah... contact a lawyer.

I can contact them but I have no money to pay them.

DOes anyone know if base legal can start a seperation paper process?

Hes an E-4 in the USAF has anyone married to a man/woman gone to college not on the GI bill, were you able to get financial aid with out any problems? 

sToO --- 9 years ago -

Get an attorney.
Other than that, contact a lawyer.
Oh yeah... contact a lawyer.

Those comments need repeating again for this type of issue ---
GET AN ATTORNEY IMMEDIATELY!


Wow, OU is giving lawyers alot of referrals today, I sure hope we get a cut or commission. 

wowzers --- 9 years ago -

I wasn't even thinking that-I was more thinking that if she lets him handle it, he might screw her in more ways than she can imagine, especially based on her previous postings.

true. hes gotten away with a lot and mainly I let him. I dont care about our furniture or anything he had in Okinawa, its of no use and I damn sure dont want it after whores have been on it and in it..no thanks.

I just want to move on with my life and get into college and it seems like hes going to make everything impossible for me since he knows I dont really have the funds to start anything.

Can base legal in my area help me set up a seperation agreement and file it for me? or they will only do that for him? 

ChiTownGrl --- 9 years ago -

My husband was an E-3 when we got married and I got somefinancial aid, but it wasn't nearly enough to pay for everything. I also worked part time. I went to a university, so my costs were a lot higher than a community college. It really just depends on where you're looking to go to school and how much it will cost whether or not it will all be covered. You should get some help though. 

ChiTownGrl --- 9 years ago -

I'm not sure how much legal will do for a separation or divorce, but I would contact his command and have them push him to get things started since you have no other way to contact him. I'm sure he's still living in base housing and collecting COLA and if it were me, I'd put a stop to that ASAP, but then again, I can be a b!tch :) 

Balls To The Wall --- 9 years ago -

I have had a few friends seperate. They were given BAH until their divorce was finalized. You need to contact an attorney. There is no reason you should be without, struggling, etc. 

yourmomdotcom --- 9 years ago -

I wasn't even thinking that-I was more thinking that if she lets him handle it, he might screw her in more ways than she can imagine, especially based on her previous postings.

Depends on if what state and if it's a "simple" divorce or not. Some states require a court hearing. But regardless when the petition for divorce goes it must have BOTH signatures on it saying they agree to the terms. If she doesn't agree she shouldn't sign..... obviously if both parties agree it will save a TON of money. A good divorce lawyer will run minimum 5k. But sometimes it's money well spent and I know in some places they will take payments. 

Oki Insanity --- 9 years ago -

Ummm first of all you need the lawyer and please don't say stupid stuff like you don't want your stuff. The courts need to know you want half of the value of the furniture, belongings, support...if it was his fault, get him back in his pocket and then use the money to replace valuables or for school. 

Oki Insanity --- 9 years ago -

If you are not legally seperated you have every legal right to have information on your joint accounts. DO you have your id card??? He can get into real trouble if he took that from you.

You should also still have it because technically you need it for medical, shopping etc. Plus if you are not legally seperated he should move back into the barracks and you should be getting all of the BAH. 

Nicole --- 9 years ago -

Does anyone get the feeling she should go to a lawyer? :P

Seriously OP, start calling around. If you are still married, he is legally required to help support you. Find a lawyer who is familiar with divorces amongst military people. Work out a payment plan. Hell, use a credit card if you have to (not recommended) but don't do nothing. You have a child, right? you need to make sure you and your daughter (??) are taken care of on YOUR terms, not on his. 

Oki Insanity --- 9 years ago -

She can go on base to a lawyer and they may be able to direct her to a good one in her area. I had a friend who actually used the military lawyers. Actually they both had a seperate military lawyer and she was a dependent. I guess it all depends on where you are located. 

nobiancody --- 9 years ago -

I used military law office to have my separation agreement done, so YES would be the answer to that question. They do not do divorces.

He DOES have to provide for you. This amount can be settled on in a separation agreement, but there is also a specific calculation tool that he must provide if no other written agreement is in place.

I would start with the nearest base legal, make it clear he is not providing for you (if this is the case) they will get you started on what to do, whom to contact. I had to make a pretty big stink to get the attention of my husbands command, but believe me when I did it really got the ball rolling.

ETA: OP if you still have my personal email address I can give you more detailed advice and suggestions. If not just PM me. 

Oki Insanity --- 9 years ago -

I would start with the nearest base legal, make it clear he is not providing for you (if this is the case) they will get you started on what to do, whom to contact.

^This 

yourmomdotcom --- 9 years ago -

Plus if you are not legally seperated he should move back into the barracks and you should be getting all of the BAH.

Not sure about the AF but in the Corps this is NOT a true statement. It also depends on the number of dependants involved. For example if it's just ONE dependant (ie spouse) it's minimum of $350 or 1/2 of the BAH. And under no circumstances shall the amount paid be more than a 1/3 of the members gross pay. This is straight of of the MCO P5800. - again I'm not sure what the AF says but I can't imagine the services would be that different. 

Balls To The Wall --- 9 years ago -

One of my friends was Marine Corp and the other was AF, both received full BAH until the divorce was finalized. Let me add, that the did not receive BAH while living here, though. One was able to stay in housing and he had to live in the barracks. That particular one only received a small amount of money to support herself and three boys while here. When she got stateside they gave her full BAH, which was better than the 300 something dollars whe was getting.

The one in the AF the divorce went quickly. The other has been going through it for 2 years now because her ex is a piece of work. 

ChiTownGrl --- 9 years ago -

KIR, I think in the MC it depends on where the AD member is living. My friend got full BAH as her husband was in the barracks. They didn't have any kids. 

All Abouts --- 9 years ago -

Ok so here is how was for us.
My husband did not get BAH or and only COLA 1, till I arrived here. If i was to stay is the States I believe he had to request BAH for the place I was and that would take time 

ChiTownGrl --- 9 years ago -

AllAbouts, did your husband come out here while you were married and you joined him later? That's what we did so I could finish school and that works differently from a couple that is splitting up. When I found that out I was annoyed because we didn't get BAH and had to pay rent out of pocket and he lived in the barracks and only got COLA for himself. They said it was because I was on his orders and we made the decision for me to not be here. We later found out you can request a waiver and receive the BAH, but it was too late at that point. 

All Abouts --- 9 years ago -

Yes He come about 6 weeks prior, due to the fact I wanted to visit my parents.
We did not do the waiver either. 

yourmomdotcom --- 9 years ago -

Bah is determined by location.... And I'm not talking about what they got. I'm talking about what they RATE to get. 2 completely different things- Also it has nothing to do with where the AD person is living. Technically (as in by Marine Corps regs) if you are recieving BAH you are required to pay to live in the barracks. Unless you are on an unaccompanied tour overseas. 

wowzers --- 9 years ago -

I'm not sure how much legal will do for a separation or divorce, but I would contact his command and have them push him to get things started since you have no other way to contact him. I'm sure he's still living in base housing and collecting COLA and if it were me, I'd put a stop to that ASAP, but then again, I can be a b!tch :)


I've tried. His jobs changed since ive been gone and of course he wouldnt give me any of that info. IVE TRIED calling his old command...never get calls backs and no one EVER answers the phone. Ive even called the police department on KAB and asked them for assistance but they tell me theres nothing they can do.

Also..we lived off base, hes still getting COLA for us being there and the housing allowance also. I KNOW I have not been reported as "gone" or how ever it works when a dependent leaves because he told me he wouldnt let me ruin his life over leaving which is why everything is changed besides his email[b][/b]

Im going to call base legal and see what they can say and if anything go up there and draw something up, I just kind of needed a pay stub for school...but even thats hard to get from him..

And no so far he doesnt care for his child financially or emotionally anymore - quite sad b/c she was a huge daddys girl but given the situations that occurred I had to go ... paid for my ticket and we left because once again command from his previous job was NOT helpful at all. 

Casey --- 9 years ago -

call legal for sure then. what he's doing is illegal. they will be sure to find out more, if they won't- you could call family advocacy, and they'll tell you how to go about it too. 

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